Learn the hard truth

Learn the hard truth, Mi'ja — when it is over, it is over.

Those words written on letters no longer matter.
Those spoken words are nothing but empty words.

It doesn't matter how much waiting was done.
It doesn't matter how much feeling was felt.
It doesn't matter how long you have been together.

It simply doesn't matter.

Once one party decided to move on, it is game over.
No meeting halfway. No adjustments to make.
No more you and him. It's just him, then you.
You can try to ask him time to talk to you.
You can beg.
You can drop your pride to the ground.

Oh dear, you just drawn water from an empty well.
He no longer has the responsibility to even see you.
Do you think it's unfair? No. It wasn't.

Today marks your official way to complete acceptance.
Bid your goodbye to the sky.

This is your glorious way to moving on.
This must be the last time you will write about him.

Dust yourself off then go on.

Abba Father

I don’t know how to make this right. But Jesus you are my Lord, you have the right to decide on how I spend this life. You decide where I go, You decide what to do with this and not.


Lord, on my own I mess up my life. My life is full of brokenness, scars and sins from my mistakes. I thank You that You never ever gave up on me. Everyday You give us new opportunity to follow You. Lord, thank You that even though everything inside of me wants to run away... You are changing me.

Holy Spirit change my heart. Holy Spirit change my urges or impulses to do the right thing. Lord, I don’t know how You gonna do it. I don’t even know where to begin with myself. But Lord, I trust You. You’re gonna do it. Jesus, You are my Lord, my Savior. You’ll gonna fix my heart, You’ll gonna fix this mess...everything I’ve ruined. Because You are a good God, You are a good Savior, the only Lord worth following.

Thank You Jesus for this relationship with You. Help me to never walk away from this relationship. I will always know, whenever I am tempted to sin, Jesus You are the Lord worth following. You are the only one who is this good, this kind, this loving to us.

In Jesus name. Amen.

Life is a gift. Life is beautiful.

Many times in my life, I thought of ending it. Not because I hated life itself. I sort of just want to hide. Hide from the pain. Hide from the shame. Hide from the struggles.

I wanted the pain to stop.  Kasi minsan sobrang sakit. Ang sakit sakit. More hardly because you know that not everyone will understand the pain.

I asked myself "why?"

"Why end it for someone who didn't choose you?"
"Why??? Hindi ka naman pokemon para piliin..."
"Why? just because it hurts? Because you think you're not worth it?"

Realization came in...

It was utterly SELFISH...

I owe my family and the people who loved me an apology. I love my family so much. People that I know who will be hurt when I ended it.

I owe myself an apology for all the time I punished myself for failing. Sa mga araw na ginutom ko sya kakaiyak because of being unchosen.  Sa mga stupid decisions just to prove a point.

I owe Him an apology. In fact the biggest one, for dishonouring the gift of life that He has given me.

I'm here to stay. I'm here to fight.

By staying, even though I will still have failures and disappointments. I still have the chance — to learn, to grow, to love and be loved.

If you're reading this and you're in pain, may be feeling hopeless. Go pray. Ask Jesus for help and enlightenment. Iba-iba naman kasi tayo ng trigger. Iba-iba din ng lightbulb moment. Yung moment na matatauhan ka.

Eat something good. Walk.  Go out. See nature. Sleep. SURVIVE. STRIVE. LIVE.

Life is a gift. Life is beautiful.

I wasn't ready...

I wasn't ready..

As cliché as the saying goes. "A relationship is either a lesson or a blessing", for me it was both.

After few months of tossing around the stages of losing someone, I finally come to the point of acceptance.

This is my acceptance that I wasn't ready...

I wasn't ready for the blessing that was given to me.
Financially. Emotionally. Spiritually. Intellectually.

I placed  pressure on someone of a responsibility that I, myself, wasn't prepared for.
It was selfish for me to think only of how I feel.
It was selfish for me to allow myself to think only of the frustrations not the effort that was shown.

This is my acceptance of the unfair actions from my side. I should have chosen "us" than the noise that seems louder because of distance. I should have held tighter to the Author of love than the ideas of love.

This is my acceptance of the things that happened and of the things that I hoped to come to fruition but did not.

This is my subtle resignation to our downfall. That no amount of analogy will make me understand how can a single offense has the power to become the breaking point.

This is me making peace with myself. Grateful that for a moment I was loved by the man that I admire. That if I will be given the chance, I will still choose to mature with him, grow with him and grow old with him.

For now I must grow as an individual. I need to heal on my own. To go back to my first love and tap on His infinite grace.

Together or not. I believe His grace is sufficient enough to bring us where we should be.

For His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher that our thoughts.

Batad, Banaue - Atok, Benguet Itinerary

Here's a quick background story of our DIY tour to Mountain Province. Just recently, a news broke out about Sarah G's breaking down during concert due to 'emptiness'. Siguro uso yun ngayon. Yung feeling na wala kang feelings... hahaha! One of us felt that way kaya biglang chat "Tara Atok tayo sa weekend." As a support "Tara lumanghap tayo ng hangin na nakakagaling!".






We started booking our bus ticket to Banaue through CODA LINES. Then we booked transient house in Atok, NORTHERN BLOSSOM FLOWER FARM then another transient house in Batad, BATAD TOPVIEW POINT HOMESTAY.

Bilang DIY to, those three bookings already made this travel all set, bahala na si Batman sa mga magaganap pag dating doon.. :)


DAY 0:
--Friday 11:50PM--

Meet up at HM Transport Cubao Bus Station. Delayed yung flight namin, este travel. The bus arrived 1:00AM, sana naligo pa ko..nyahaha!


DAY 1:
--Saturday 8:00AM--

We arrived Banaue by 8:00AM. We registered at the Municipal then we meet Ate Grace, owner ng Batad Topview Point Homestay, sinundo kami to take another 1 hour van travel to Batad. Upon arriving Batad, we had to take another 8 minutes walk/trail to homestay.

To our surpise, heres' the view in front of us, nakaka-wow sya! Ang sarap gumising dito! ..parang pag gising sa tabi ng taong mahal mo..hihi! <3

After taking brunch, coffee and an hour of rest, we started getting ready for our Rice Terraces and Tippaya Falls Tour. Brace yourselves, it is a two hours of trekking along rice paddles and a lot of stairs! Syempre, your time depends kung gaano kayo katagal mag picture..hehe. It took us five hours back and forth including swimming.

Habang nag lalakad kami, wala kaming ginawa kundi hanapin si Thanos. Most of the travelers are foreigners than locals, so hindi si Thanos ang nakita namin, mga kasing gwapo lang ni Captain America. Nyahaha!

On our way, napapansin namin na lahat pababa, "Patay tayo nito pabalik, puro assault to!" at hindi kami nagkamali. HAHAHA! Do not worry, sulit naman! The falls was awesome, nag swimming kami kahit malamig. Nakakawala ng pagod. :)

KITA KITA (I See You) Movie

Sampung bilang ng katotohanan na nakita sa pelikulang KITA KITA.

ISA.  Isa sa libong tao na makakasama natin ang magpapakita at mag paparamdam kung paano tayo dapat mahalin. Tiwala lang, bes.

DALAWA. Dalawang mata na minsan hindi nakakakita kahit may mali na. Bulag, di nakakakita, di nakakapansin, dahil sa iba nakatitig. Madalas makakakita lang kapag ang pag-ibig ay nawala na.

TATLO. Tatlo, Apat, Limang taon, wala talaga sa tagal ng isang relasyon, kapag hindi pa sya ready, hindi pa sya ready. Kapag hindi ka na mahal, hindi ka na mahal. Madalas lang talaga na may mga duwag na lolokohin ka pa, hindi na lang makipag hiwalay agad. Pisti. Be a Tonyo in this world full of Nobu. Pwede ba!

APAT. Apat na salitang di ko makakalimutan "Only time can tell." Tagos eh!

LIMA. Limang uri ng pagmamahal.
Pagmamahal na bulag (one unique character lang na nagustuhan mo, kahit ano pa sya tanggap mo na)
Pagmamahal na paasa (naniwala ka na sa sinabi nya, kalokohan lang pala.)
Pagmamahal na traydor (pinagpalit ka sa mukang pusa.)
Pagmamahal na bitin (ganun talaga, minsan hindi happy ending.)
Pagmamahal na wagas (oo meron nyan, magtagal man o hindi, ramdam mo na totoo yun, greatest love kumbaga.)

Excuses on Starting Stock Market Trading

This is going to be my first entry about stock market trading. I started active trading August of 2015. I am but a newbie.

Kahit na marami na kong alam about Stocks, Mutual Fund, Variable Life Insurance,  UTIF, etc. It still took me some time before I was able to actively trade my COL account. Knowledge without application is nonsense, right? Parang yung friend mo na makapag advice about love, pero NBSB naman..hehe! You need actual exposure to actually know what is out there.

Below were my reasons behind my contemplation, may be you can also relate to these:


1. Akala ko para lang to sa mga matatalino at technical. Nakaka-overwhelm yung numbers and charts, saw the picture? paano basahin yang mga waveform and bars? Numbers! ang daming numbers!haha!


2. Para lang sa may mga pera at sobrang yaman. But I was wrong, having 5,000 na usually eh kaya mo ipang-lakwatsa, you can already have COL account and start from there. Here is the link on how to open an account https://www.colfinancial.com/ape/Final2/home/open_an_account.asp


3. Wala akong pera. Wala akong pang capital because I made wrong financial decisions in the prior year. I traveled a lot that compromised my finances. But, hey, kung gaano mo kagusto ang isang bagay, ganun mo din sya ka hard ka-career-rin. Bangon kaibigan! Cut other expenses to start investing.