Life is a gift. Life is beautiful.

Many times in my life, I thought of ending it. Not because I hated life itself. I sort of just want to hide. Hide from the pain. Hide from the shame. Hide from the struggles.

I wanted the pain to stop.  Kasi minsan sobrang sakit. Ang sakit sakit. More hardly because you know that not everyone will understand the pain.

I asked myself "why?"

"Why end it for someone who didn't choose you?"
"Why??? Hindi ka naman pokemon para piliin..."
"Why? just because it hurts? Because you think you're not worth it?"

Realization came in...

It was utterly SELFISH...

I owe my family and the people who loved me an apology. I love my family so much. People that I know who will be hurt when I ended it.

I owe myself an apology for all the time I punished myself for failing. Sa mga araw na ginutom ko sya kakaiyak because of being unchosen.  Sa mga stupid decisions just to prove a point.

I owe Him an apology. In fact the biggest one, for dishonouring the gift of life that He has given me.

I'm here to stay. I'm here to fight.

By staying, even though I will still have failures and disappointments. I still have the chance — to learn, to grow, to love and be loved.

If you're reading this and you're in pain, may be feeling hopeless. Go pray. Ask Jesus for help and enlightenment. Iba-iba naman kasi tayo ng trigger. Iba-iba din ng lightbulb moment. Yung moment na matatauhan ka.

Eat something good. Walk.  Go out. See nature. Sleep. SURVIVE. STRIVE. LIVE.

Life is a gift. Life is beautiful.