I wasn't ready...

I wasn't ready..

As cliché as the saying goes. "A relationship is either a lesson or a blessing", for me it was both.

After few months of tossing around the stages of losing someone, I finally come to the point of acceptance.

This is my acceptance that I wasn't ready...

I wasn't ready for the blessing that was given to me.
Financially. Emotionally. Spiritually. Intellectually.

I placed  pressure on someone of a responsibility that I, myself, wasn't prepared for.
It was selfish for me to think only of how I feel.
It was selfish for me to allow myself to think only of the frustrations not the effort that was shown.

This is my acceptance of the unfair actions from my side. I should have chosen "us" than the noise that seems louder because of distance. I should have held tighter to the Author of love than the ideas of love.

This is my acceptance of the things that happened and of the things that I hoped to come to fruition but did not.

This is my subtle resignation to our downfall. That no amount of analogy will make me understand how can a single offense has the power to become the breaking point.

This is me making peace with myself. Grateful that for a moment I was loved by the man that I admire. That if I will be given the chance, I will still choose to mature with him, grow with him and grow old with him.

For now I must grow as an individual. I need to heal on my own. To go back to my first love and tap on His infinite grace.

Together or not. I believe His grace is sufficient enough to bring us where we should be.

For His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher that our thoughts.