In my early 20’s, as conventional as it may sound, I wanted my partner to have never had a girlfriend before. I wanted to be his first and last. And whomever I choose to be my boyfriend, I wanted him to be my husband.
The Reason Behind.
As much as possible, I don't want a partner who invested so much emotion with someone else.
I don't like the thought of him already had both emotional and physical intimacy. I believe that those things should be reserve for marriage.
So I have lived that standard and had a boyfriend who never really had a girlfriend before. Despite of that fact, things did not work well for us. He loved a woman before me and he still loves her while being in relationship with me. Epic failed.
The Lord is Sovereign.
The Lord changed me after that season of my life. He opened my eyes to the truth that sometimes things will not work out the way we wanted it to be. Sometimes because of our stubbornness or may be that needs to happen for us to grow. He is sovereign.
New Season.
This year, the Lord has blessed me with new love. Just one problem for me, the man that I am getting to know now with marriage in mind also deeply loved a woman from his past. As unreasonable as it may seem, it created a hurt that was not supposed to exist. It frightens me.
Don’t get me wrong. I know with all my heart that he already moved on and he loves me. He is a different man. I am accepting him for who he was. He wouldn’t be the same man if not of the experiences he been through. It’s just that, I’m reminded of the pain of the past. Frighten of the same scenario to happen again.
Heart Issue.
One realization as God processes my thoughts.
This is just another heart issue. Remember, even if you’re in the best relationship you’ve ever had, there’s a timeless truth that we have to deal with:
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9
Our emotion at times brings back illegitimate hurts because of our partner's past. Our partner may not understand it but we struggle with the knowledge of his/her past. This will grow to rot and eat up our relationship with that person. Don’t allow it. Accept, forgive and trust.
If you happen to be the person with the past that your partner just finds hard to accept. Remember: The offense may be illegitimate but the hurt is real – and you have to deal with it. The best way to go is to ask your partner for forgiveness.
It takes a ton of humility and wisdom to do such thing but surely it will make the relationship a lot better.
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